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You Have to be Mormon to Fully Understand - But Enjoy!


I received this in an email and laughed so hard I had to share! I can't claim credit, but man I think its hysterical!


If Mitt Romney were elected, what Ward would POTUS be in?

If you are his new Bishop, here are your top 10 questions:

1. Will you allow an inaugural ball to be held in the cultural hall? Do you mount security cameras on top of each basketball rim and have a secret service detail stationed on the stage?

2. Can you call Mitt and Ann as the Nursery leaders... even if you really feel inspired?

3. Who is going to home teach them? Will you call someone who needs activation but may not pass the vetting and national security screening?

4. If Harry Reid and Mitt Romney are in the same High Priest group, will you need to be there to keep order?

5. Exactly how will tithing settlement work? Will the Secretary of the Treasury come too?

6. Will you be inviting the new Romney family to speak in Sacrament Meeting... and if they go a little over at what point do you ask them to sit down?

7. Will the Secret Service do a sweep of the building before each meeting? And if the Romney's always leave before Sunday School, will the Sunday School president need to interview them? If they stay, where will you hold the class?

8. Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary?

9. If you give Mitt a calling and the two Democrats in the Ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him - partly out of habit - does the Supreme Court need to be involved?

10. If you can't give them a calling (job), and they don't attend very often (for presidential stuff) will that mean they're 'inactive?' If they're not active, can you give them a Temple Recommend? And if you do, can they go? Will the Secret Service have to screen the temple too?

11. If the President wants to hold Sacrament Meeting at Camp David or the White House for security reasons, is that a conflict of Church and State?

If you're assigned to be the Romney's home teacher:

1. Can you just drop by, no appointment?

2. Can you even call them for an appointment or do you have to go through the Chief of Staff?

3. Can you bring by Christmas sweets and cookies? Will they be analyzed? And for how many people - family, secret service details?

4. If you don't come can the IRS do an audit on you?

5. Will they want to do a national security background check?

6. Do you have to have a permanent companion who has been vetted? Can you just grab any teacher or priest to come with you? And what if that priest has been a little wayward? Do you need to search him first?

7. Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House?

8. If Ann Romney gets sick, are you allowed to bring in meals or at least tell the Relief Society about it?

9. What can you share with the Bishop about the Romneys?

10. Do you have to ask them about their year's supply?

11. If you get a late night call for a blessing will reporters follow you around wanting to know what was wrong and what you said?

If Mitt Romney is assigned to be YOUR home teacher,

1. Is telling the group leader you haven't been home taught a national security breech?

2. If he wants to come at the end of the month, do you accept his reason, "I've been out of town?"

3. Will he drop by unannounced or will the media crews give him away?


Okay, I know that's a little irreverent -- but come on, that was funny. Wasn't it?
You Have to be Mormon to Fully Understand - But Enjoy! You Have to be Mormon to Fully Understand - But Enjoy! Reviewed by Unknown on Saturday, December 22, 2007 Rating: 5

15 comments:

  1. Okay, I have to admit, I don't get everything! (yet) ;0)
    But it sure is funny!
    X

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  2. I don't think the First Lady ever has to cook, sick or not.

    I also don't think Harry Reid goes to church unless he wants to bear his testimony of himself and ask for people to vote for him. Paul's dad used to be a Stake Pres in Nothern Nevada, and Sen Reid would call every time he was up for election, asking to speak in the ward.

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  3. That was totally great, and I didn't think it was irreverent at all. But seriously, those are all pretty good questions. What would happen in a case like that?

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  4. I have often thought about the temple attendance question before. My kids and I were discussing how the ACLU might get upset if Mitt always picked LDS Secret Service to accompany him when he went to the temple.

    A good laugh, though. My daughter want him to be the ward activities director, though.

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  5. Jen - that would make sense, considering what I know about the man. Hmmmm.

    Tristi - I have no idea. That's what makes it so funny to me, those are real questions!

    Sandra - oh yeah, no question the ACLU would be all over that. I don't know if its still the case, but it used to be that the Secret Service was loaded with return missionaries, so if that's still true it won't be a problem.

    If I'd been drinking when I read the last of your comment it would have spewed out of my mouth. Holy cow, that's something I'd like to see. Ward Activities director. Hmmm, well, I know he's been a stake president.

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  6. Please don't go too fast for me, I'm still learning! LOL
    X

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  7. Keeley - very funny. I don't know who came up with it, but they need a serious pat on the back.

    Marja - I'd never go too fast for you Marja. You ask the questions - I'll answer them.

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  8. Hi Candace,
    Thanks for posting this gem.

    This.Cracked.Me.Up!!! Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh before I went to church yesterday. I was so tempted to ask my home teacher some of these questions (he used to be our bishop).

    Thanks for the laugh!

    And about my new blog, so far, I like wordpress way better than blogger.

    Thanks for sticking with me since my bloggy died.

    Blessings to you and Alvin,
    Kathleen xoxo

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  9. To be honest, I'm not sure it'll be that easy on the ward the Romneys move into when they move into the White House. Should be a very interesting experience. Being a Latter-day Saint is a whole way of life, not just a couple of hours on Sunday. I'm going to sit back and watch with great interest. Because I do believe he's going to win, and I believe he should win.

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  10. Hilarious. Makes me think of what it would be like to home teach the prophet or any of the apostles.

    Thanks for posting this!

    Merry Christmas!!!

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  11. That was GREAT fun! Thsanks foe sharing! :)

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  12. Just hilarious! I can just see a good Relief Society sister tell the secret service, "What do you mean you don't need me to bring a casserole over? Sister Romney isn't feeling well, and President Mitt is out of town..."

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