posted by Muriel Sluyter
29 September 2009
Dear Israeli Citizens:
We would venture a guess that our President is in better physical condition than your Prime Minister. Not only is he younger, he is almost unused, while your Prime Minister has been through hell on earth. Nonetheless, though your man is considerably older and has had very rough use, we are willing to accept him in what we are sure you will consider a very fair swap.
We are sure our man would please your citizens. He is charming, and, if he has a Teleprompter, is absolutely unexcelled in public communication.
Now, if you have reservations considering the comparative value of these two leaders, we are prepared to sweeten the deal by offering you 34 Czars. We cannot guarantee their honesty and/or integrity, but we are confident you will find some use for them (we have none).
If you are not ready to jump at this fantastic offer (and we are confident you are champing at the bit at the very thought), we could throw about 100 or so Senators into the deal. Actually, we have a goodly number of House members we could spare (possibly as many as 435) if you are still hesitant.
All in all, Gentlemen and Ladies of Israel, we are prepared to begin negotiations at your earliest convenience.
We anxiously await your response.
Most cordially, responsible citizens of the United States